A short treatise on the importance of expeditious mail

Today in the mail I received a large envelope with a clear plastic window revealing what was inside. On the back of the envelope was the following message:

"Dear Valued Postal Customer:
I want to extend my sincere apology as your Postmaster for the enclosed document that was inadvertently damaged in handling by your Postal Service. We are aware how important your mail is to you. With that in mind, we are forwarding it to you in an expeditious fashion.

The U.S. Postal Service handles over 202 billion pieces of mail each year. While each employee makes a concerted effort to process, without damage, each piece of mail, an occasional mishap does happen.

We are constantly working to improve our processing methods so that these incidents will be eliminated. You can help us greatly in our efforts if you will continue to properly prepare and address each letter or parcel that you enter into the mailstream.

We appreciate your cooperation and understanding and sincerely regret any inconvenience that you have experienced.

Hugs and kisses,
Your Postmaster"

Except for the hugs and kisses part, which I threw in there to lighten up an otherwise rather dour message. I mean, some valuable piece of my mail had been damaged, probably irreparably! Something important enough that my Postmaster was like, "Holy Shi Tzu! Valued Postal Customer is going to be well pissed at this inadvertent damage unless we enclose this document in a huge white envelope and forward it on in an expeditious fashion."

But back to the front of the envelope-- the side that has the huge clear plastic window that allows me to see what the inadvertently damaged document was, and how bad exactly was that damage... and... well, it's a Pier 1 imports mailer. Addressed to "David Suzuki Ung or Current Resident". The damage is that one of the little round stickers that holds the mailer shut is slightly torn. Otherwise, it's still a viable piece of junk mail.

'Or Current Resident.' Really. How important could any piece of mail possibly be if it includes that in the mailing address?

Well, no worries, my dear, kindhearted postmaster. The expeditious fashion of your big-envelope-mailin' has totally made up for any inadvertent damage done to my document. In fact, the novelty of it kept me well entertained for some moments today.

Hugs and kisses,
Valued Postal Customer