1) As Gina pointed out to me last night, a highly stressful situation which consumed a large portion of my fall semester has now become a funny story. It is now easy to share laughs without (much) bitterness, and I am still just very, very happy to be living in this new place. I heart my current living situation.
2) Work is going well. I feel useful and competent, and I definitely enjoy what I do. Nevertheless, I am taking days off this week so that I can catch up on other important things.
3) I've fallen behind on Comps readings. I'm not sure how much-- I've hesitated in counting up my chapters read this week versus chapters that should have been read this week. Even subtracting extra chapters I'd read in previous weeks, I know I'm behind. I hate being behind. But that's okay. Work required my attention and I decided not to stress falling behind just yet. I'm gonna take some days off work this week and devote myself to my studies. I'm going to ask Cliff on Monday to loan me some particularly interesting books this go round so that it will be easy to catch up, and hopefully, get a bit ahead again.
4) My stomach hurt this week, and so I didn't go to the gym, and I didn't want to eat, and I know I ate anyway but I don't have too much memory about what I ate. But this past week aside, I have learned that eating with the goal of adding more fruits/vegetables makes me feel good in general, and going to the gym for thirty minutes in the middle of the day makes me feel really good in general, and so I'm going to just keep doing those things into the foreseeable future, because I like feeling good in general.
5) I haven't written fiction in about two weeks, but I've kept it in my passions by keeping the story in my thoughts, figuring out character growth, scene details, story arcs when my mind is in between work/study thoughts. I want to cultivate my interest in writing this story so that I don't randomly decide one day to put it down (again) indefinitely and start on something else (again) before putting that down and... again and again and again. We'll keep on this.
6) My professional writings have received no technical gain, although I wrote a new section for the teacher handbook for work, and I based much of it off of a lit review I'd been working on, and I think this has given me new focus for editing/finishing the lit review for publication.
7) I met someone from work, Melanie, two nights ago who says she knows just the person to connect me to in Tuvalu about psychology of climate change research there. Kiriko said, "I told you she would know someone." Melanie said, "Email me in three weeks." She's on her way to Guam and Saipan right now. She knows everyone in the Pacific.
8) I have time for all of this and more. But time is an interesting thing in that sometimes, I just don't want to be productive and so I don't get anything done for many hours at a stretch.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Monday, January 18, 2010
The Scoop on Haiti
Haiti has suffered a very severe earthquake, a catastrophe the likes of which all humans should hope they will never personally experience themselves. The most recent death toll estimate I've heard from credible sources (upwards of 200,000) will place this earthquake in the ten worst earthquake disasters in all of human history. It's really bad.
I'm taking another Disaster Management and Humanitarian Assistance (DMHA) class this semester, as part of my DMHA certificate. Our first assignment on hurricanes was hastily changed to a first assignment on Haiti's disaster, and so I've been reading up on it a lot this week. I've been reading up on it a lot this week with an eye toward understanding what makes this natural hazard event a "disaster." Several things stick out to me as particularly poignant and important on this topic.
Haiti is the poorest country in this hemisphere. Her infrastructure was not that advanced or strong to begin with, and it has sustained very severe damage. This is one of the major reasons the death toll continues to rise. Not all of the people who were buried in collapsed buildings had the mercy of dying immediately. Many of them died after days. I am heartbroken to say, I believe very many of them are continuing to die.
Machines that may have been able to aid in search and rescue were not able to make it into Port au Prince due to collapsed roads and roads blocked by fallen buildings. Instead, people were digging others free with their bare hands.
Search and rescue machinery, medical supplies, and food and water began arriving in Haiti with predictable, and honestly, somewhat remarkable speed-- within a day of the earthquake. However, the airport only has one runway. It was operational, but working below capacity for two major reasons. First, staff members were surviving (or had not survived) a major catastrophe. They were therefore not coming to work. Second, refueling became a major issue, meaning that planes could land and unload their supplies, but they could not take off again. This caused a major clog of the single runway so that other planes with more aid were not able to land.
Further, search and rescue machinery, medical supplies, and food and water were also arriving by boat. However, the crane at the port which unloads such heavy cargo had sustained heavy damage, and so while these supplies were there, in Haiti, in the harbor-- they could not get to land.
And then the roads were out.
I watched and read many news reports that discussed these things, and then I watched and read other news reports that talked about tensions building among survivors who were not receiving the aid they so desperately needed. The major problem in this (I should say the major MISTAKE in this) is that to me it seems not to have become part of disaster rescue/relief policy to inform people why exactly aid is not coming. The result was a city full of suffering people who don't have access to CNN thinking that the world has turned their collective backs on their tragedy.
Communication to the people about why aid has not arrived, some would argue, is far from top priority when there is no food or water and people are trapped under buildings. But I'm a social scientist. Let me tell you why this is important. When aid arrives, people will be glad to have food and water and medical supplies, finally. But they will hate the aid for having taken so long. They will hate the aid for all of the people they know and love who died because the aid did not arrive sooner. An already marginalized community (poorest nation in the Western hemisphere) is already primed to believe that those in power will abuse, misuse, and neglect their interests, because the people in power have already abused, misused, and neglected their interests. They will not trust the aid. They will believe it is all part of the standard line of trickery and deceit. They will believe the aid was purposefully withheld to create maximum casualties of unimportant people, or they will believe the aid was diverted to the wealthy, a standard practice of corruption. The extreme lack of trust in the midst of great suffering has a high potentiality to turn volatile.
On that subject, I watched as clips were shown of people running to pull water or food out of rubble. Several people reaching for the same item. Newscasters voiced over the clips that violence was beginning to break out. People on the ground were quoted as saying, "Oh, people will struggle or argue for maybe 30 seconds, and then it calms down again," and newscasters would repeat that violence was beginning to break out.
Stop it. Just stop it. People have a right to grab at water they find, and they have a right to argue with each other when they're hungry. If you're going to report that violence is breaking out after such a huge disaster, you'd damned well better back it up with footage of riots. Because violence. is. not. what. is. happening. in. Haiti. People are still digging up their loved ones. People are removing unidentified bodies from the city by the wheelbarrowful and truckload. People are searching for water and food and carrying others to makeshift tent hospitals for medical care which may or may not be enough to keep them alive. People are coping and are caring for each other, and if they yell at each other because they both want a cup of water... well, I've yelled at people for far less and in far less dire situations.
But we in the United States have this expectation that poor people, and especially poor black people will resort to violence for anything and everything. The expectation is that violence will happen, and so we look for that argument as proof that it has finally come. A nation born of slaves who have freed themselves, the poorest nation this hemisphere, we look for this to happen. It makes me swear at my computer screen, this racist, classist, sensationalist crap.
Ten worst earthquakes in human history-- you don't have to sensationalize it.
So these are the things that stick out to me about Haiti. These things and the ways in which people must survive. How people cannot trust even the buildings that remain standing because there have been so many secondary collapses, and so everyone-- EVERYONE-- in the city has become homeless, sleeping outside in the relative safety. Piles of bodies blocking roads, and people who are certain in their hearts that they are alone and forsaken. People who will never know what happened to their loved ones, if they were lucky enough to die quickly, if they were placed into a mass grave, and if so, which one.
Oh, and Pat Robertson, Rush Limbaugh, I have two words for you.
I'm taking another Disaster Management and Humanitarian Assistance (DMHA) class this semester, as part of my DMHA certificate. Our first assignment on hurricanes was hastily changed to a first assignment on Haiti's disaster, and so I've been reading up on it a lot this week. I've been reading up on it a lot this week with an eye toward understanding what makes this natural hazard event a "disaster." Several things stick out to me as particularly poignant and important on this topic.
Haiti is the poorest country in this hemisphere. Her infrastructure was not that advanced or strong to begin with, and it has sustained very severe damage. This is one of the major reasons the death toll continues to rise. Not all of the people who were buried in collapsed buildings had the mercy of dying immediately. Many of them died after days. I am heartbroken to say, I believe very many of them are continuing to die.
Machines that may have been able to aid in search and rescue were not able to make it into Port au Prince due to collapsed roads and roads blocked by fallen buildings. Instead, people were digging others free with their bare hands.
Search and rescue machinery, medical supplies, and food and water began arriving in Haiti with predictable, and honestly, somewhat remarkable speed-- within a day of the earthquake. However, the airport only has one runway. It was operational, but working below capacity for two major reasons. First, staff members were surviving (or had not survived) a major catastrophe. They were therefore not coming to work. Second, refueling became a major issue, meaning that planes could land and unload their supplies, but they could not take off again. This caused a major clog of the single runway so that other planes with more aid were not able to land.
Further, search and rescue machinery, medical supplies, and food and water were also arriving by boat. However, the crane at the port which unloads such heavy cargo had sustained heavy damage, and so while these supplies were there, in Haiti, in the harbor-- they could not get to land.
And then the roads were out.
I watched and read many news reports that discussed these things, and then I watched and read other news reports that talked about tensions building among survivors who were not receiving the aid they so desperately needed. The major problem in this (I should say the major MISTAKE in this) is that to me it seems not to have become part of disaster rescue/relief policy to inform people why exactly aid is not coming. The result was a city full of suffering people who don't have access to CNN thinking that the world has turned their collective backs on their tragedy.
Communication to the people about why aid has not arrived, some would argue, is far from top priority when there is no food or water and people are trapped under buildings. But I'm a social scientist. Let me tell you why this is important. When aid arrives, people will be glad to have food and water and medical supplies, finally. But they will hate the aid for having taken so long. They will hate the aid for all of the people they know and love who died because the aid did not arrive sooner. An already marginalized community (poorest nation in the Western hemisphere) is already primed to believe that those in power will abuse, misuse, and neglect their interests, because the people in power have already abused, misused, and neglected their interests. They will not trust the aid. They will believe it is all part of the standard line of trickery and deceit. They will believe the aid was purposefully withheld to create maximum casualties of unimportant people, or they will believe the aid was diverted to the wealthy, a standard practice of corruption. The extreme lack of trust in the midst of great suffering has a high potentiality to turn volatile.
On that subject, I watched as clips were shown of people running to pull water or food out of rubble. Several people reaching for the same item. Newscasters voiced over the clips that violence was beginning to break out. People on the ground were quoted as saying, "Oh, people will struggle or argue for maybe 30 seconds, and then it calms down again," and newscasters would repeat that violence was beginning to break out.
Stop it. Just stop it. People have a right to grab at water they find, and they have a right to argue with each other when they're hungry. If you're going to report that violence is breaking out after such a huge disaster, you'd damned well better back it up with footage of riots. Because violence. is. not. what. is. happening. in. Haiti. People are still digging up their loved ones. People are removing unidentified bodies from the city by the wheelbarrowful and truckload. People are searching for water and food and carrying others to makeshift tent hospitals for medical care which may or may not be enough to keep them alive. People are coping and are caring for each other, and if they yell at each other because they both want a cup of water... well, I've yelled at people for far less and in far less dire situations.
But we in the United States have this expectation that poor people, and especially poor black people will resort to violence for anything and everything. The expectation is that violence will happen, and so we look for that argument as proof that it has finally come. A nation born of slaves who have freed themselves, the poorest nation this hemisphere, we look for this to happen. It makes me swear at my computer screen, this racist, classist, sensationalist crap.
Ten worst earthquakes in human history-- you don't have to sensationalize it.
So these are the things that stick out to me about Haiti. These things and the ways in which people must survive. How people cannot trust even the buildings that remain standing because there have been so many secondary collapses, and so everyone-- EVERYONE-- in the city has become homeless, sleeping outside in the relative safety. Piles of bodies blocking roads, and people who are certain in their hearts that they are alone and forsaken. People who will never know what happened to their loved ones, if they were lucky enough to die quickly, if they were placed into a mass grave, and if so, which one.
Oh, and Pat Robertson, Rush Limbaugh, I have two words for you.
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Discipline, Week One.
For the record, discipline sucks.
My mom said, "Yeah, discipline is one of those things that it's really good that you have it, but you don't ever really want to use it." Truer words were never spoken. I'm glad I can be disciplined. I think I can pull it off pretty well. And I think I'll make it through this semester, through my Comps, just fine. "Just fine", of course, being a relative term.
I realized when I mapped out my Comps reading that I was going to have to be very disciplined this semester. A sustained effort of discipline. I've done this before. My last semester of undergrad, I mapped out my 22 hours of classes during the first week. I sat down with the syllabuses and scheduled every hour of the semester for homework, readings, and projects. On Jan 17, I could tell you what I would be doing on April 17 at 3:00pm. I made it through.
I also spent this last summer attached to my computer while I wrote my thesis. I made it through. But also, I started having back problems, I believe associated with my newfound sedentary lifestyle.
Me, sedentary? Who'd a thought it? But no, here I am.
Part of my Ten Goals for 2010 is my desire to get my stuff done but also have a good quality of life. Meaning, I want to finish my Comps and get going on my dissertation, but I also want to be in a good mood, and I also want my body to not hurt, and I also want to not get sick a lot like I did this past fall.
This week I began my default schedule. Work four hours every morning, head to my grad student office and read four hours before going home. It worked pretty well, in the sense that I got my scheduled readings done (and a few extra on top of that), I got my work done so I'll still get paid, and also I had the evenings pretty well free to do all of those fun things that should ensure I get a well-balanced life out of this disciplined mess. I wrote fiction. I worked on my professional writings. I spent time with my boy. I skipped the poetry slam with Leslie and I wish I hadn't, but I did go out for many beers with the ladies from work last night. So I should feel well-balanced and successful. But actually, I spent most of this week feeling tired and cranky.
I hate being in a bad mood, especially because I know how moods affect those around you. I kept trying to smile and force happiness and achievement into my emotions, but I just wanted to complain about things. I won't keep doing this. I just... I refuse. I want my home life and my work life to be happy places, where we stress sometimes but are basically in a good mood as we support each other through getting our stuff done. This is what I value. This is what I want.
The big question, therefore, is whether I'm so tired and cranky because I just need to build up some work/study stamina to match my disciplined schedule, or, if I'm so tired and cranky because I've created a disciplined schedule that is inherently unhealthy.
There is no answer to this big question, at least, not one that I can give with any certainty at this moment. If it's only a matter of stamina, I won't know for a few weeks while I build that up. But I'm not really willing, I've decided, to take the risk that I'll be making myself unhealthy while building up that stamina. So I've got to alter and adjust as I go through.
Discipline, Week Two is going to include a fitness center break in the middle of the day. Between work and reading, I'm gonna go to the gym on campus, break up the sedentariness of my day with (hopefully) a bit of an endorphin kick. We'll see how this goes. It would mean a 9:00-6:00 day instead of a 9:00-5:00 day, but I'm thinking that hour of physical activity in the middle will give me some positive outcomes. I'm hoping, anyway. I hate being cranky.
***
Other Ten for 2010 updates: Comps is on schedule. I've chosen which book I'm going to write this year. I've submitted proposals to two conferences. I've eaten fruit and/or vegetables with maybe 8/10 meals. Haven't gone to hot yoga yet, but we've got plans for it. Have gone out or over to friends' houses for fun and chatting and alcohol a couple of times. So far, so good.
My mom said, "Yeah, discipline is one of those things that it's really good that you have it, but you don't ever really want to use it." Truer words were never spoken. I'm glad I can be disciplined. I think I can pull it off pretty well. And I think I'll make it through this semester, through my Comps, just fine. "Just fine", of course, being a relative term.
I realized when I mapped out my Comps reading that I was going to have to be very disciplined this semester. A sustained effort of discipline. I've done this before. My last semester of undergrad, I mapped out my 22 hours of classes during the first week. I sat down with the syllabuses and scheduled every hour of the semester for homework, readings, and projects. On Jan 17, I could tell you what I would be doing on April 17 at 3:00pm. I made it through.
I also spent this last summer attached to my computer while I wrote my thesis. I made it through. But also, I started having back problems, I believe associated with my newfound sedentary lifestyle.
Me, sedentary? Who'd a thought it? But no, here I am.
Part of my Ten Goals for 2010 is my desire to get my stuff done but also have a good quality of life. Meaning, I want to finish my Comps and get going on my dissertation, but I also want to be in a good mood, and I also want my body to not hurt, and I also want to not get sick a lot like I did this past fall.
This week I began my default schedule. Work four hours every morning, head to my grad student office and read four hours before going home. It worked pretty well, in the sense that I got my scheduled readings done (and a few extra on top of that), I got my work done so I'll still get paid, and also I had the evenings pretty well free to do all of those fun things that should ensure I get a well-balanced life out of this disciplined mess. I wrote fiction. I worked on my professional writings. I spent time with my boy. I skipped the poetry slam with Leslie and I wish I hadn't, but I did go out for many beers with the ladies from work last night. So I should feel well-balanced and successful. But actually, I spent most of this week feeling tired and cranky.
I hate being in a bad mood, especially because I know how moods affect those around you. I kept trying to smile and force happiness and achievement into my emotions, but I just wanted to complain about things. I won't keep doing this. I just... I refuse. I want my home life and my work life to be happy places, where we stress sometimes but are basically in a good mood as we support each other through getting our stuff done. This is what I value. This is what I want.
The big question, therefore, is whether I'm so tired and cranky because I just need to build up some work/study stamina to match my disciplined schedule, or, if I'm so tired and cranky because I've created a disciplined schedule that is inherently unhealthy.
There is no answer to this big question, at least, not one that I can give with any certainty at this moment. If it's only a matter of stamina, I won't know for a few weeks while I build that up. But I'm not really willing, I've decided, to take the risk that I'll be making myself unhealthy while building up that stamina. So I've got to alter and adjust as I go through.
Discipline, Week Two is going to include a fitness center break in the middle of the day. Between work and reading, I'm gonna go to the gym on campus, break up the sedentariness of my day with (hopefully) a bit of an endorphin kick. We'll see how this goes. It would mean a 9:00-6:00 day instead of a 9:00-5:00 day, but I'm thinking that hour of physical activity in the middle will give me some positive outcomes. I'm hoping, anyway. I hate being cranky.
***
Other Ten for 2010 updates: Comps is on schedule. I've chosen which book I'm going to write this year. I've submitted proposals to two conferences. I've eaten fruit and/or vegetables with maybe 8/10 meals. Haven't gone to hot yoga yet, but we've got plans for it. Have gone out or over to friends' houses for fun and chatting and alcohol a couple of times. So far, so good.
Friday, January 1, 2010
Ten Goals update and a scary sidenote
I started out the New Year right with a hike. It was way awesome. Also, I ate three meals by 1:30 pm, and still continued to be mildly hungry until having a huge dinner and cake at 5:00. I seem to remember my brother had been on a 6000 calorie diet or something when he did the Appalachian Trail.
I hiked a mountain ridge, which was awesome because I could look down into two valleys, one of which is home to my school and the other of which has always seemed terribly far away from my school. It's not. There's just a mountain between them.
The trail I set out on hooked up with this other trail which turned out to be a mostly super-steep mud-and-wet-leaves-slicked descent into the valley which is home to my school. Manoa valley, if you're wondering. It came out next to this old man's driveway, and he was kind enough to wish me a happy new year, tell me where I was, and point me on my way.
It was a fantastic way to get going on my 10 for 2010 goals, and a fantastic way to start out this year.
After that, as a scary sidenote, I began my studies for Comps. I have recently figured out that I need to read approximately 7 chapters/articles every day (provided I take no days off) until late April or early May when I take my Comprehensive Exam. And so today I read and took notes on about 180 pages of a book about race and class in the Chicago ghetto [Streetwise: Race, Class, and Change in an Urban Community by Elijah Anderson]. Great book. Highly recommended.
Now I need a beer.
And one appears in my hand. Thanks, Michael. Don't I have the best husband ever?
I hiked a mountain ridge, which was awesome because I could look down into two valleys, one of which is home to my school and the other of which has always seemed terribly far away from my school. It's not. There's just a mountain between them.
The trail I set out on hooked up with this other trail which turned out to be a mostly super-steep mud-and-wet-leaves-slicked descent into the valley which is home to my school. Manoa valley, if you're wondering. It came out next to this old man's driveway, and he was kind enough to wish me a happy new year, tell me where I was, and point me on my way.
It was a fantastic way to get going on my 10 for 2010 goals, and a fantastic way to start out this year.
After that, as a scary sidenote, I began my studies for Comps. I have recently figured out that I need to read approximately 7 chapters/articles every day (provided I take no days off) until late April or early May when I take my Comprehensive Exam. And so today I read and took notes on about 180 pages of a book about race and class in the Chicago ghetto [Streetwise: Race, Class, and Change in an Urban Community by Elijah Anderson]. Great book. Highly recommended.
Now I need a beer.
And one appears in my hand. Thanks, Michael. Don't I have the best husband ever?
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