In addition to developing a taste for kimchee this week, making banana bread with poi, and plowing through hundreds of pages of research in three different subjects, I went to the Democratic Caucus on Tuesday.
Don't know how much of this news hit the mainland (and beyond, J,) but the Hawaii Democrats were entirely underprepared for the extraordinary turnout they experienced. I'm pretty sure they were prepared for a much larger turnout than usual. Obama is from here, after all, and people love them a local boy. Cliff has further explained to me that Obama is seen to work in a very Hawaiian way -- even tempered, compromising, bridging gaps, diplomatic. And it is true that in Hawaii, if you're agressive in getting your point across (yelling or name calling), you really, really, really are making an ass out of yourself. And you might win, just because no one else wants to make an ass of themselves to go up against you... but 'it's a small island' as they say. It's best to get along, because it'll come back to you. And so Hawaiians love them some Obama.
Given this, the Dems had to know they were going to have a higher turnout than normal. However, they really underestimated just how high. In my district, the turnout was more than ten times higher than last time. We're talking a change from forty to over five hundred.
I've been trying to discern between my and Michael's perception of the mood of the ensuing chaos, and Gina's perception of the mood of the chaos. And I think it might come down to time. Gina arrived as the chaos was growing -- the point at which the volunteers were realizing 'We're not going to have enough space, we'll run out of ballots, we'll run out of voter registration forms, we don't have enough staff/volunteers to handle this crowd, WTF?!!' We arrived after the chaos was already in full swing, and planning adjustments had been made. People were patrolling the lines with precinct maps to let new voters know where to go. A guy on the loudspeaker kept saying, "We're not tied to the 7:00-7:30 voting schedule -- it's far more important that everyone get to vote." Members of the crowd who figured out what was going on started directing newcoming members to the crowd in a very pro-active, self-regulating way.
All in all, I'd say that given the confusion of the unexpected turnout, things went rather smoothly. Of course, I have a number of chaotic crowd situations under my belt. The fact that the caucus happened without any bloodied noses, fainting, or police intervention is a big success in my book.
And yes, they ran out of voter registration forms. And yes, they ran out of ballots. I would say that a majority of the ballots wound up being handwritten on scraps from yellow legal pads. Ours were. Michael and I briefly considered a scheme in which we would find a bag of ballots just outside on the street and how it would turn out that 300,000,000 people had voted for Kucinich in Hawaii, which would be enough to give him a percentage win in the Democratic Primary, given that it would come to a nearly unanimous vote by all Americans. Unfortunately, we only had my one legal pad and most of the pages already had class notes on them.
We stayed behind to find out about what happened to the ballots, who counted them, where they went, what were the checks and balances to make sure there wasn't a landslide victory due to nefarious plots by the likes of... well, us. Representative Saiki said there were no checks and balances given the turnout and how nothing happened that night in line with the way caucuses typically worked in Hawaii. He said he expected that the outcome would be challenged. I also watched as he encoding our faces -- he'll know me and Michael if/when he sees us again.
Well, the outcome was not challenged, and more to the point, I don't think it's likely that fraud could have occurred. Michael and I talked about this on the way home.
Given the fact that the districts were broken into precints, and that even in the largest precincts with the best turnout (in our district, at least) there were no more than maybe 70-100 people, and given that a precinct president was elected for each, and that that person was responsible for collecting ballots, and given that the standard seemed to be a self-elected group of precinct presidential aids to help the president with all the chaos -- it just seems unlikely that even the most savvy of sneaks could get in more than a couple extra votes, tops, which would hardly be fraud worth investigating.
Honestly, I really think that with this situation, I would put more faith in a crowd of unknowledgable first time voters than in, say, a diebold machine. I think the checks and balances here were that we were broken into small groups of people who regulated themselves. I think it's when things become huge and automated that it becomes easier for people like me and Michael to slip in an extra few hundred million votes for our candidate of choice.
But I guess it's like the 'small island' idea. There's nowhere to go to escape your sins, so it's really just best to try and get along. You don't cheat your neighbors because, come tomorrow, they'll still be there looking at you, and come tomorrow, it's better if you're still friends. So when you're writing your vote on a scrap of paper and handing it to a person in your group, who lives in your neighborhood, and who is just like you, you'll be less likely, able, and willing to try and cheat. But how likely, able, and willing would you be to fix some programming that would affect the votes of tens of thousands of people you'll never see, meet, or know? It changes things.
Give me the scraps of paper anytime. Hawaiian style, ya?
Saturday, February 23, 2008
Friday, February 15, 2008
Also,
I am dying to have some good Southern food. Give me a fish fry. Give me some Waffle House. Give me some soul food. And a sweet tea to drink.
Food is great here, don't get me wrong. Just that I'm craving me some Southern-style. Ahh.
Food is great here, don't get me wrong. Just that I'm craving me some Southern-style. Ahh.
Lessons in Life
Now in KatiNews:
I was really starting to feel that whole 'grad school anxiety' that everyone who's ever been in grad school (or who's currently in grad school) has been so fond of telling me that I should be feeling, and would probably be feeling soon. Gah. It's like you guys put your voodoo on me and I got all freaked out about falling behind the arbitrary deadlines I've set for myself. Overwhelmed anxiety is paralyzing to me. I can't get anything done when I feel like that. So I resorted to the old solution that college students have been employing since the beginning of college. I self-medicated with whiskey and wine.
I'm not typically one to espouse drinking your troubles away, but I was anxious and knew I needed to relax because I knew my anxiety was edging on unreasonable. I was on my way to a write-in with friends, so I wasn't going to get any more schoolwork done that day anyway. I had to force some calm upon me. And as it turned out, whiskey and wine work miracles.
But that's really only the bandaid cure. Mostly, it calmed me down enough so that the next day I could voice my concerns about "falling behind" with my advisor, as well as talk to some friends and cohort about life and goals and expectations. The sum total of these conversations is that my anxiety melted back away. Cliff reminded me that it's more important to get things done well than to get them done fast. Tony got me thinking about where I was when I started on this journey, and what a very long way I've come. Gina reminded me that it wasn't just a change back into academia when I moved here -- I moved back into This American Life. Melodi's own realization that she could only do what she could do, and should therefore focus on her own goals (which in her case involve the will of her tribe) helped me to set my sights back on what I want to do Ultimately, which should in turn guide what I do along the way. Andrew pointed out that 'along the way' sucks sometimes. So you just keep going. And Michael, of course, just keeps me sane.
In addition to these conversations, there's been school. Class discussions. Books. Articles. Essays. I'm constantly in the process of absorbing ungodly amounts of information. And then I have to reconfigure it in my head and figure out how to express what I know to people who do not know it. Because that is, right?, the point of my education. Figure out how we can make the world better, so that then we can make the world better. Theoretical excercises are fun and all, but they don't get the job done. Eventually you gotta do.
In Other KatiNews:
I think I'm doing pretty well readjusting back into This American Life. We got the stages of culture shock, right? The most common four being 1)excitement, interest in all these new things, 2)Problems in adjusting, where you're like "ohshitwhatthehellisgoingonhere?!" 3) recovery, where you "learn the language" of the new place, and 4) adjustment, when you finally feel at home.
Then there's a fifth stage. A "rinse and repeat" stage. This is the one where you go back home, and realize you no longer feel "at home" there. Now you have to go through all those stages again, but it's more surreal this time because everything is familiar... just not quite comfortable, doesn't come quite naturally. That's where I've been. Probably where I am.
I forget sometimes how different I am from most Americans, just given what I've seen and what I therefore know. It shocks the hell out of me sometimes when people speak, because they're not taking into consideration what I take into consideration. I mean, do you realize there are still people out there who think that prisons are populated by "the bad people"? Of course you realize that. You probably believe that, because it turns out that that's a pretty common belief. I used to hold it myself.
But I've spent four years working with gang-bangers and drug addicts and murderers and car thieves. I know their wives and their children and their brothers and sisters and I've talked to them all about what they've done and why they've done and how they got to where they were. I'm a pacifist myself, and I believe in respecting other people (not that I'm always good at it, but I like to think I try). I certainly wouldn't suggest that everyone run right out and become gang-bangers and drug addicts and murderers and car thieves. But if you happen to be one, I think I'm much less likely to assume now that you're "bad people". Instead, I wonder how you got there. And I realize that I myself, the super-liberal pacifist, could have wound up there just as easily if I had been given different circumstances.
Ah, it's just so weird sometimes when I realize how trapped I am in the life I've led. I forget the assumptions that other people make. That I used to make.
I can't even say, "I'm right and you're wrong" because I'm far too aware that our perspectives are guided by a wholly different set of life experiences and knowledge bases. Of course I think I'm right. It's my point of view. But it's... so fun and interesting to learn other points of view and see how they all fit together. So I hear that someone believes animal testing is wrong, and that you should test on prisoners instead, and I'm horrified. But then I have another piece to add into my puzzle that explains this world and why it is the way it is.
I don't really have a point to all of this. Just what's been on my mind.
I was really starting to feel that whole 'grad school anxiety' that everyone who's ever been in grad school (or who's currently in grad school) has been so fond of telling me that I should be feeling, and would probably be feeling soon. Gah. It's like you guys put your voodoo on me and I got all freaked out about falling behind the arbitrary deadlines I've set for myself. Overwhelmed anxiety is paralyzing to me. I can't get anything done when I feel like that. So I resorted to the old solution that college students have been employing since the beginning of college. I self-medicated with whiskey and wine.
I'm not typically one to espouse drinking your troubles away, but I was anxious and knew I needed to relax because I knew my anxiety was edging on unreasonable. I was on my way to a write-in with friends, so I wasn't going to get any more schoolwork done that day anyway. I had to force some calm upon me. And as it turned out, whiskey and wine work miracles.
But that's really only the bandaid cure. Mostly, it calmed me down enough so that the next day I could voice my concerns about "falling behind" with my advisor, as well as talk to some friends and cohort about life and goals and expectations. The sum total of these conversations is that my anxiety melted back away. Cliff reminded me that it's more important to get things done well than to get them done fast. Tony got me thinking about where I was when I started on this journey, and what a very long way I've come. Gina reminded me that it wasn't just a change back into academia when I moved here -- I moved back into This American Life. Melodi's own realization that she could only do what she could do, and should therefore focus on her own goals (which in her case involve the will of her tribe) helped me to set my sights back on what I want to do Ultimately, which should in turn guide what I do along the way. Andrew pointed out that 'along the way' sucks sometimes. So you just keep going. And Michael, of course, just keeps me sane.
In addition to these conversations, there's been school. Class discussions. Books. Articles. Essays. I'm constantly in the process of absorbing ungodly amounts of information. And then I have to reconfigure it in my head and figure out how to express what I know to people who do not know it. Because that is, right?, the point of my education. Figure out how we can make the world better, so that then we can make the world better. Theoretical excercises are fun and all, but they don't get the job done. Eventually you gotta do.
In Other KatiNews:
I think I'm doing pretty well readjusting back into This American Life. We got the stages of culture shock, right? The most common four being 1)excitement, interest in all these new things, 2)Problems in adjusting, where you're like "ohshitwhatthehellisgoingonhere?!" 3) recovery, where you "learn the language" of the new place, and 4) adjustment, when you finally feel at home.
Then there's a fifth stage. A "rinse and repeat" stage. This is the one where you go back home, and realize you no longer feel "at home" there. Now you have to go through all those stages again, but it's more surreal this time because everything is familiar... just not quite comfortable, doesn't come quite naturally. That's where I've been. Probably where I am.
I forget sometimes how different I am from most Americans, just given what I've seen and what I therefore know. It shocks the hell out of me sometimes when people speak, because they're not taking into consideration what I take into consideration. I mean, do you realize there are still people out there who think that prisons are populated by "the bad people"? Of course you realize that. You probably believe that, because it turns out that that's a pretty common belief. I used to hold it myself.
But I've spent four years working with gang-bangers and drug addicts and murderers and car thieves. I know their wives and their children and their brothers and sisters and I've talked to them all about what they've done and why they've done and how they got to where they were. I'm a pacifist myself, and I believe in respecting other people (not that I'm always good at it, but I like to think I try). I certainly wouldn't suggest that everyone run right out and become gang-bangers and drug addicts and murderers and car thieves. But if you happen to be one, I think I'm much less likely to assume now that you're "bad people". Instead, I wonder how you got there. And I realize that I myself, the super-liberal pacifist, could have wound up there just as easily if I had been given different circumstances.
Ah, it's just so weird sometimes when I realize how trapped I am in the life I've led. I forget the assumptions that other people make. That I used to make.
I can't even say, "I'm right and you're wrong" because I'm far too aware that our perspectives are guided by a wholly different set of life experiences and knowledge bases. Of course I think I'm right. It's my point of view. But it's... so fun and interesting to learn other points of view and see how they all fit together. So I hear that someone believes animal testing is wrong, and that you should test on prisoners instead, and I'm horrified. But then I have another piece to add into my puzzle that explains this world and why it is the way it is.
I don't really have a point to all of this. Just what's been on my mind.
Friday, February 8, 2008
Re: Islands, Acronyms, and Do Not Resuscitate Orders
This year I will get to see two more islands without a doubt. Maybe more, but there is doubt there so we'll not focus on that just now. But I'll get to go to Maui for data gathering for my thesis (and I've convinced Michael to come along so we can chill there for a few days besides). And of course, I'll be going to the Big Island for the Quentin Burdick practicum this summer (http://www.nursing.hawaii.edu/qb-activities.html).
Speaking of which...
Tomorrow is our first seminar/meeting for this year's group. I THINK tomorrow I will get to meet who is on my team, and therefore who I'll be sharing a house with this summer, and also what our project will be, at least in general terms.
I am so friggin excited.
This first meeting has been "off somewhere in the future" since I got accepted, but now it's "tomorrow." I can hardly contain myself. And there's nothing to do, really, except wait. So I content myself to focus on inconsequential details -- what should I wear so that I look relaxed, but nice; should I bring my cane because my foot hurts this week, or will that make them worry about me having a recurring injury while I'm 'out in the field'; bring my backpack or my more professional-looking Claretians satchel -- all that stuff that doesn't really matter. Especially since I know when I wake up early, early I'm just going to do whatever I would normally do in getting ready for the day. I won't care once I'm on my way.
The next part of me being so friggin excited about tomorrow is that tomorrow is Showdown in Chinatown. It's the unveiling of G.P.E.C.W.A.O.S.H.'s first film, and my swordfighting debut.
G.P.E.C.W.A.O.S.H., by the way, is our nano group as it still exists. We decided we needed a name that extended beyond November writing, decided we wanted something huge and impressive sounding -- I think "overly pompous" was what we were specifically going for.
And so in the grand tradition of S.P.E.B.S.Q.S.A. (Society for the Preservation and Encouragement of Barber Shop Quartet Singing in America), several exceedingly long names were put forth in order to show off our grandeur. I don't know if it was Jon or Kelly who came up with G.P.E.C.W.A.O.S.H. (the Guild for the Promotion and Encouragement of Creative Writing And Other Stuff in Hawaii), but the rest of us jumped all over a group name that contains the phrase "other stuff". And I take great pride in having therefore suggested a red herring as our mascot. It just seemed apt.
Anyway, tomorrow is like "The Day" for me. I can't believe I have to wait all the way through this one in order to get to the next. It doesn't seem fair. Why has no one invented time travel yet? That extraordinarily complicated solution would really help me to avoid minor inconvenience just now.
Not that Today is without event. I'm... oh, I'm so sad about it... I think my novel died. I've been trying to resuscitate it for awhile, but I think I've lost it. And I'm so bummed. I've put so much work into it, and as it stands now, I just couldn't care less about any of the characters. And I can't keep restructuring it. I'm getting further and further away from the path I started on. I'm just lost. Or it's lost. Whichever. We've lost each other.
My plans for today are to
1) get some actual work done. I am in grad school, after all.
And 2) following that, go sit somewhere overlooking the ocean and figure out what to do next. Find my way? Let it lie and go back to my nano for editing? Start a new project altogether? I don't know yet, but these are the answers I'll be looking for.
Come on, Pacific Ocean, pull through for me.
Because tomorrow, we celebrate.
Speaking of which...
Tomorrow is our first seminar/meeting for this year's group. I THINK tomorrow I will get to meet who is on my team, and therefore who I'll be sharing a house with this summer, and also what our project will be, at least in general terms.
I am so friggin excited.
This first meeting has been "off somewhere in the future" since I got accepted, but now it's "tomorrow." I can hardly contain myself. And there's nothing to do, really, except wait. So I content myself to focus on inconsequential details -- what should I wear so that I look relaxed, but nice; should I bring my cane because my foot hurts this week, or will that make them worry about me having a recurring injury while I'm 'out in the field'; bring my backpack or my more professional-looking Claretians satchel -- all that stuff that doesn't really matter. Especially since I know when I wake up early, early I'm just going to do whatever I would normally do in getting ready for the day. I won't care once I'm on my way.
The next part of me being so friggin excited about tomorrow is that tomorrow is Showdown in Chinatown. It's the unveiling of G.P.E.C.W.A.O.S.H.'s first film, and my swordfighting debut.
G.P.E.C.W.A.O.S.H., by the way, is our nano group as it still exists. We decided we needed a name that extended beyond November writing, decided we wanted something huge and impressive sounding -- I think "overly pompous" was what we were specifically going for.
And so in the grand tradition of S.P.E.B.S.Q.S.A. (Society for the Preservation and Encouragement of Barber Shop Quartet Singing in America), several exceedingly long names were put forth in order to show off our grandeur. I don't know if it was Jon or Kelly who came up with G.P.E.C.W.A.O.S.H. (the Guild for the Promotion and Encouragement of Creative Writing And Other Stuff in Hawaii), but the rest of us jumped all over a group name that contains the phrase "other stuff". And I take great pride in having therefore suggested a red herring as our mascot. It just seemed apt.
Anyway, tomorrow is like "The Day" for me. I can't believe I have to wait all the way through this one in order to get to the next. It doesn't seem fair. Why has no one invented time travel yet? That extraordinarily complicated solution would really help me to avoid minor inconvenience just now.
Not that Today is without event. I'm... oh, I'm so sad about it... I think my novel died. I've been trying to resuscitate it for awhile, but I think I've lost it. And I'm so bummed. I've put so much work into it, and as it stands now, I just couldn't care less about any of the characters. And I can't keep restructuring it. I'm getting further and further away from the path I started on. I'm just lost. Or it's lost. Whichever. We've lost each other.
My plans for today are to
1) get some actual work done. I am in grad school, after all.
And 2) following that, go sit somewhere overlooking the ocean and figure out what to do next. Find my way? Let it lie and go back to my nano for editing? Start a new project altogether? I don't know yet, but these are the answers I'll be looking for.
Come on, Pacific Ocean, pull through for me.
Because tomorrow, we celebrate.
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
Just some of the exciting news...
My thesis is really coming together. I feel confident that I will be proposing this semester, and that I'll be data gathering by early summer. Should have my stuff together before I head to the Big Island in June. Also, I have a few potential sources of funding that I'm working on. Maybe, maybe. But whatever happens, it's all coming together. It will happen. And that is awesome.
I've been looking at the Superferry, and in particular I've been interested in the conflict that came up about the Superferry. It's pretty clear when you hear from those who are most adamantly opposed to it, that they feel this is just one more example of money and government walking all over the people. It's also pretty clear when you hear from those who are most supportive of it, that they can't understand why anyone would /not/ want it. And of course, from a community psychologist perspective, I must ask why.
My theory is that different groups of people -- that is, communities, businesses, coalitions, whatever (the jargon term I won't both to explain right now is 'activity settings') -- have different values that they attend to more than others. And conflict arises in such a big way when change rubs some groups' values the wrong way. So, I'm going to interview people (working on setting this up, designing questions, background research, lit review right now) in order to see if this is true. And then I'll start looking at implications for the future.
Of course, I'm ultimately interested in discrimination. That, I think, is where my dissertation will come in. Tentatively right now, I'm seeing this "value disparity among activity settings" thesis research leading into "power disparity among activity settings in relation to values" dissertation research, which is a very academic way of saying, I want to define the injustice done to poor people and minorities when rich and powerful people come in and change things without asking. Of course, value disparity in conflict situations also has implications in politics, in policy work, in inter-cultural experiences, in social work, in environmental action...
But that comes later. Right now I'm just looking at how different situations (rural community versus business community) will lead to different values. If it does. If it doesn't, I have to say, I'll be quite surprised. But what do I know? As Anna and I discovered in a facebook game recently, I have a brain the size of a chimp. Who'da thought?
Which is of course the perfect segue into my other fun and exciting news. My writing group is putting together a short film for Showdown in Chinatown (http://www.ourfilm.org/index_flash.html). We're filming tomorrow night. I've spent the last two evenings learning stage fighting, because yes, yes, I am going to fight with a sword in this film.
It's so much fun! I just love it. And yeah, my foot is absolutely killing me, but this is most definitely one of those things that I'll always be glad I did. Even if the film turns out really crappy, which it just might since none of us have experience in film making. Even still, once we get the finished product together, I'll see about setting it up online here. Oh, I hope it turns out cool, even if not great.
And I'm tired right now (after 11pm). I have so much reading, and I'm putting together a lit review, and I have my first mock-proposal in... ooh, like two weeks. That'll get me some good feedback so I can get ready for the real deal. But it turns out that there are enough hours in the day for both work and play, if you pace yourself, and don't watch TV.
I've been looking at the Superferry, and in particular I've been interested in the conflict that came up about the Superferry. It's pretty clear when you hear from those who are most adamantly opposed to it, that they feel this is just one more example of money and government walking all over the people. It's also pretty clear when you hear from those who are most supportive of it, that they can't understand why anyone would /not/ want it. And of course, from a community psychologist perspective, I must ask why.
My theory is that different groups of people -- that is, communities, businesses, coalitions, whatever (the jargon term I won't both to explain right now is 'activity settings') -- have different values that they attend to more than others. And conflict arises in such a big way when change rubs some groups' values the wrong way. So, I'm going to interview people (working on setting this up, designing questions, background research, lit review right now) in order to see if this is true. And then I'll start looking at implications for the future.
Of course, I'm ultimately interested in discrimination. That, I think, is where my dissertation will come in. Tentatively right now, I'm seeing this "value disparity among activity settings" thesis research leading into "power disparity among activity settings in relation to values" dissertation research, which is a very academic way of saying, I want to define the injustice done to poor people and minorities when rich and powerful people come in and change things without asking. Of course, value disparity in conflict situations also has implications in politics, in policy work, in inter-cultural experiences, in social work, in environmental action...
But that comes later. Right now I'm just looking at how different situations (rural community versus business community) will lead to different values. If it does. If it doesn't, I have to say, I'll be quite surprised. But what do I know? As Anna and I discovered in a facebook game recently, I have a brain the size of a chimp. Who'da thought?
Which is of course the perfect segue into my other fun and exciting news. My writing group is putting together a short film for Showdown in Chinatown (http://www.ourfilm.org/index_flash.html). We're filming tomorrow night. I've spent the last two evenings learning stage fighting, because yes, yes, I am going to fight with a sword in this film.
It's so much fun! I just love it. And yeah, my foot is absolutely killing me, but this is most definitely one of those things that I'll always be glad I did. Even if the film turns out really crappy, which it just might since none of us have experience in film making. Even still, once we get the finished product together, I'll see about setting it up online here. Oh, I hope it turns out cool, even if not great.
And I'm tired right now (after 11pm). I have so much reading, and I'm putting together a lit review, and I have my first mock-proposal in... ooh, like two weeks. That'll get me some good feedback so I can get ready for the real deal. But it turns out that there are enough hours in the day for both work and play, if you pace yourself, and don't watch TV.
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