Fin

The exciting cause for celebration is that I busted my ass and have finished my papers. I have finished my first year of grad school.

Yesterday, as I was nearing the close, I was typing away at some final paragraphs and thinking back to that marathon I ran in 2004. Right around mile 21, I thought about that finish, about that mile 26.2 just up ahead, and it was so beautiful. I was taken by this well of emotions, overcome by the thought of the finish. I just started to cry. I thought about this as I worked on those final paragraphs, knowing that I was so close to being done with them, and choked up with the thought of it. I knew that I would still have to fix the citation format. I knew I would still have to reread (and probably rewrite) for spelling, grammar, syntax, and continuity errors. But still, with the meat of the work so near done, I got a little teary-eyed.

I finished today. My papers are done, ready to be sent in. I felt far more victorious yesterday. I guess that's the difference between "I got all of my thoughts down coherently! I have expressed everything I learned!" and "My grammar and syntax are proofread and acceptable." Yesterday was climax; today is denouement.

Tomorrow is the happily ever after part.

It's funny; I've been so busy on these papers for so many weeks, just going going going, that what I'm really looking forward to is returning to normal everyday life stuff. I'm so excited about cleaning my place properly. And going shopping for a pair of shorts. And writing fiction again. And walking to the beach if I take a notion to walk to the beach. My god, it sounds like heaven. I'm not quite sure I believe that this could really be my life, so seeped have I been in absorbing and reconfiguring and regurgitating information. Do I really get to go to the thrift store tomorrow? Like, really?

I know I had times like this with the Claretians. I can think of six two-month periods off the top of my head. Different because I was running around with people and events rather than chasing around the thoughts in my head. Same because you just run out of the time and energy to do the standard taking-care-of-yourself things. Either way it's exhausting and exhilarating. I have felt very much alive these past weeks. I have felt like I had my hand on the pulse of life, coming just one step closer to really understanding what we people are all about. There are many ways to learn, and I love all of them.

I have years more of this. I would say that grad school is like a marathon, and I've just completed mile five, but that simile just doesn't hold up because what I'm feeling now has nothing to do with mile five and everything to do with that mile 26.199 where all you have to do is stay upright and let the momentum carry you forward. Grad school is more like a number of marathons, interspersed with rest and more training.

I was telling Michael that most people who compare things to marathons haven't ever really run one, but me, I can compare things to marathons with proper authority. Brain surgery, though... hm. I don't know, maybe it's easy and really fun. Rocket science too. Because, you know, marathons are like brain surgery on rocket scientists. It's all about the happy ending.