Herstory

I don't know what to say.

Gina's birthday is the same as Joel's. We had a picnic on the beach to celebrate. She told me when I arrived that they had tried to make a "don't talk about school" pact, but that that seal had been broken long before I arrived. Immediately, I could think of nothing but school. Which made me realize that I can think of nothing but school.

School is actually a very diverse topic in my head, but out loud, I guess it's all just "school talk". In my head, Stats class is the least interesting to think about. After that, the second least interesting thing is the current state of my new job. On the other hand, the future state of my new job is very interesting. Most interesting, of course, is my thesis. Unfortunately, broad steps forward in that regard including spending days on end glued to my computer as I write up my lit review and proposal. Very exciting things for me... not so interesting for small talk. In my qualitative research class, I got to spend like 20 minutes talking about my thesis as an example of a case study. I was so excited to explain it all and get feedback. Even that story, though, is not a very good story. There's no meat to it.

I meet with my advisor on Thursdays, right along with the other advisees Andrew, Izaac, and Keiko. Yesterday, Keiko was talking about her job and saying how nice it is to have so much trust put into her abilities and efforts. In previous GAships, she was used as 'two hands'. Two Hands, I thought. I like that. It's a particularly meaningful idea to me because currently with my job, I am Two Hands. I make copies and scan books into this text-to-speech software. I'm doing this because the grant I was hired to work under has not yet started, and there is this other grant that just lost two GAs that needs some tying up of loose ends. It'll be no more than two weeks, I'm assured. Two weeks of mind-numbingly dull work.

Except. Except, first of all, I have a lot of things to think about right now-- and that sort of work is conducive to getting some thinking done. So I think about my thesis while I scan books, page by page. New theoretical and formatting breakthroughs abound. But that is still not an interesting story to tell.

Next week, too, I'm going to start working on a third grant that I was also not hired under. This is a short-term project as well. Disability Mentoring Day. I'll help recruit mentors and mentees, and organize things so that something happens. Also, I might be a mentor myself that day, seeing as how I have a job, and seeing as how my job is putting me through college. That's kind of an interesting story.

And then after that? After that, I'll get to work on the big stuff. I will definitely not be Two Hands for the grant I was hired to work under. I'll actually get to help develop and implement classroom intervention strategies. I'll get to help shape policy, and work face-to-face, one-on-one with actual real-life people. That may or may not make a good story, but I'll sure love it.

I have this other thing that's in the works too. It'll make a pretty good story, but it's not yet ready to be told. Well, damn. I hope it makes a pretty good story, at least. Right now it's all conjecture.

The main problem is that I find myself wondering, Is this what gradschool is? A time period in which paperwork and theory fill up my time until I have no stories to tell? Is this why all those old white guys in suits are so boring to listen to? Am I really going to turn into an old white guy in a suit, even if my research is on discrimination and community activism?

I'm going to have to get dreadlocks to stop this from happening, aren't I?

Ah well, that's another story for another day. peace, y'all.